27 Nov 03 0635
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I hope you're enjoying your turkey, and while you are, think of me. Here in Iraq. Enjoying the pre-sliced, over-processed, under-spiced, over-cooked, lowest-bidder Thanksgiving dinner. *Whine* When I get home, I’m making me a thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with all the trimmings and eating it all up!!! (don't worry Major, we'll make it for you!-ed.)
A few days ago one of the senior command colonels decided this place needed a change. So he asked one of our interpreters to bring in a turkey. A live turkey. Feet tied. In a small crate. Head up just looking around. Gobble. In a hospital. It did create a stir. Decided to put it into a big box inside the hospital, after all, turkeys can’t fly. At least not well. It was such fun watching people’s faces as they walked by, glanced in the box and saw … a TURKEY! The turkey quickly demonstrated that he could jump to the edge of the box and try to escape.
I caught it and put it back into the box, then proceeded to guard the turkey until someone put their mosquito net over the tip. The turkey resided inside the hospital until one of the other higher ups demanded it get put out side (much to the colonels disgust). The next morning I took a look at the turkey just in time to see it make it’s bid for freedom. I go running back inside going
COLONEL *****, COLONEL******, YOUR TURKEY”S ON THE ROOF!!!!!
Picture this: a major running in a high state of excitement searching for Col ****** to tell him his pet has escaped.
He looks at me and goes ”so?”
I coulda killed him.
Can I threaten the life of a superior officer? Would it get me out of here?
Well, I go back outside to look at the turkey, now happily viewing the world from the peak of the tent,
when I am joined by the Colonel and another major (one known for his turkey hunting skills – he even hauled a turkey caller to Iraq with him!)
The colonel kept saying – he’ll come down, he can’t fly anyway.
Just at that time the turkey demonstrated his inability to fly by flapping his wings and not-flying the length on the tent and on into the ambulance parking area. So here was a senior colonel, and three majors (we picked up another during the fuss) chasing this turkey all over our compound! The turkey made his bid for freedom by going through the concertina wire around our area, unfortunately for the turkey the three insane majors, lead by the questionable colonel, followed the turkey through the wire. The chase ended when the great turkey hunter took a rolling dive at the turkey - which missed. His scrambling recovery though allowed him to grab the turkey’s neck and foil it’s bid for freedom. Which was a good thing as the turkey only had one fence between it and the flight line. We couldn’t follow it there, and I’m sure the flight controller would have appreciated this big bird on his flight line. Of course the turkey’s freedom would have lasted until it got sucked up into the engine of that C5 behind it.
The great turkey hunter proudly carried the turkey to its new coop behind some of the living tents (he got his own bunker in case of mortar attacks…) Unfortunately this new living arrangement places the gobbler not 10 feet away from the other higher-up’s head who had protested the turkey being in the hospital and who was later heard to say “ he squawks not 10 feet from my head – I’m in hell….”
Best hours worth of fun I’ve had since I’ve been here.
No, we didn’t eat it.
Tempting though.
Happy Thanksgiving all.
Love,
Major Pain
Major Pain, You can't fatten up that turkey with MRE's so hope you have a way to get turkey food... if so... by Christmas that turkey will be nice and fat... ready for the smoker...lol...Happy Thanksgiving,Winnie
Posted by: Winnie | November 26, 2003 at 11:50 PM
Wasn't that a MASH episode?
Seriously though, Happy Thanksgiving - you are in my thoughts and prayers today and always. I'm thankful beyond words for your contribution to a peaceful and prosperous future for so many lands and peoples! Hope you're enjoying that peaceful prosperity soon. Take care.
Posted by: Greyhawk | November 27, 2003 at 06:03 AM
I want to wish my husband SFC Alfred L. Young in Bear North Iraq a Happy Thanksgiving and to all the other soldiers in Iraq as well.
Posted by: Jamey Young | November 27, 2003 at 04:26 PM
LOL.. that was funny - well we don`t have Thanksgiving over here in Europe - but now I sure have an idea of it... Happy Thanksgiving
Posted by: Wendy | November 28, 2003 at 04:59 PM
Well, I hope the Colonel leading the chase was a Bird Colonel...
Happy Thanksdgiving, and stay safe out there.
Posted by: Spart | November 28, 2003 at 08:56 PM
major, the more i read your postings, the more I am convinced that army field hospitals must have a tradition exactly in the mold of M.A.S.H.
this proves it beyond all doubt.
BTW-i found an item at INTEL DUMP, posted from DEFENSELINK, about a lifesaving invention they rigged over at the 28th CSH which you guys might want to repeat at the 21st: when you get patients with blood loss resulting in dropped body temperature, forget the heat lamps and blankets and use what Irby invented: cover them with a cardboard box big as a coffin, cover it in sheet plastic for air retention [gift wrap style] and stick a handheld blowdrier in a hole cut in the top center, set to blow on high heat. the 28th has saved upwards of 20 lives using this device. they call it the 'Cheif Cuddler". it'll bring body temperature up to 98.6 faster than anything else you have on hand, stop internal bleeding by promoting clotting at normal body temp, is dry for coagulation and granulation, and I bet you have the parts on hand. personally, I would use as many blowdriers as you can press into service, not just one. you just put it over the patient, wholesale, on their bed, like a chafing dish cover, and let them warm up, in spite of their blood loss. It works great. the temp in the box should get to about 105°F-like a nice high fever. also kills infection at that temp.
Posted by: janet in venice beach | November 30, 2003 at 05:12 PM
about the turkey episode:
isn't this proof that you CAN fly with eagles, and still work beside turkeys?
when he complains about the gobbling, just remind your CO "don't let the turkeys get ya down"...
>B-)
Posted by: janet in venice beach | November 30, 2003 at 05:17 PM
sorry for an error--Irby was profiled in 'defendamerica' for his invention of the "chief cuddler' to warm up blood-loss casualties.
Posted by: janet in venice beach | November 30, 2003 at 05:57 PM
Maj:
I read today that Thursday is the last day that gifts can be shipped to the troops from the states, and that they can only be shipped to individuals. Can you put us in touch with some folks to whom we can express our appreciation by shipping some practical gifts?
Any help would be much appreciated.
Syber
Posted by: syber | December 01, 2003 at 10:11 AM
I'm the opinion editor at the Daily Universe. I'm working on a page of letters from the soldiers in the Middle East. If you wouldn't mind, we'd love to have you write something for The Daily Universe. It could be anything from something you've already published on your weblog or it could be something that you intend for students who would like to know what it's like on the front lines during the holidays...
If you could write back by Wed MST I'd really appreciate it.
Kira Cluff
Opinion Editor
The Daily Universe
Brigham Young University
Provo Utah 84602
Posted by: Kira cluff | December 02, 2003 at 11:14 AM
Hey, I know that turkey...the soldier not the fouled fowl...Randy's a pretty good softball player in addition to his prowess as a hunter. Ask him to demonstrate his turkey calls...Always good entertainment...
Best of luck Major Pain...I briefly worked with you back at Darnall...
My thoughts are with you and the the soldiers I served with in the 21st...
Dr. Phil H.
The Original Comabt Gynecologist
Posted by: Phil H | December 04, 2003 at 03:53 AM
Dear Maj:
Just discovered a website called Operation Gratitude. Sounds great, but then found your website as well. My family and I will write letters, and send care packages.
I am sure you receive these thoughts all the time, but could you pass on to the troops that the Stanaro family is profoundly proud of them and grateful beyond words for their sacrifice?
We can't imagine how tough it is there and we hold our heads up high (here in Europe!) when we think of all of you- the professionalism, the goodness of all of your brave guys out there. I'm 44, child of the Sixties. I've three young kids and I hope I can raise them all to give their life to a bigger cause than themselves as all of you are doing.
I hope that you all don't take for an instant, seriously, all of the garbage spouting out of Democrats like Hillary, Dean et al. They don't represent your country or our feelings. Nor should listen to or give a second thought to the noise out fo the French, Belgians, Germans, or any of these ungrateful Europeans. Focus on the Poles, the Italians, the Australians, Romanians, British- all of our true friends.
God Bless and keep all of you. We are constantly thinking of you and praying for you. You are doing very important jobs there- more than so many people may realise.
Richard Stanaro
Posted by: Richard Stanaro | December 10, 2003 at 11:29 AM
i just wanted to tell the soliders and there family thank you and god bless you all!
Posted by: cindy | December 14, 2003 at 11:42 PM