27 Nov 03 0635
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I hope you're enjoying your turkey, and while you are, think of me. Here in Iraq. Enjoying the pre-sliced, over-processed, under-spiced, over-cooked, lowest-bidder Thanksgiving dinner. *Whine* When I get home, I’m making me a thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with all the trimmings and eating it all up!!! (don't worry Major, we'll make it for you!-ed.)
A few days ago one of the senior command colonels decided this place needed a change. So he asked one of our interpreters to bring in a turkey. A live turkey. Feet tied. In a small crate. Head up just looking around. Gobble. In a hospital. It did create a stir. Decided to put it into a big box inside the hospital, after all, turkeys can’t fly. At least not well. It was such fun watching people’s faces as they walked by, glanced in the box and saw … a TURKEY! The turkey quickly demonstrated that he could jump to the edge of the box and try to escape.
I caught it and put it back into the box, then proceeded to guard the turkey until someone put their mosquito net over the tip. The turkey resided inside the hospital until one of the other higher ups demanded it get put out side (much to the colonels disgust). The next morning I took a look at the turkey just in time to see it make it’s bid for freedom. I go running back inside going
COLONEL *****, COLONEL******, YOUR TURKEY”S ON THE ROOF!!!!!
Picture this: a major running in a high state of excitement searching for Col ****** to tell him his pet has escaped.
He looks at me and goes ”so?”
I coulda killed him.
Can I threaten the life of a superior officer? Would it get me out of here?
Well, I go back outside to look at the turkey, now happily viewing the world from the peak of the tent,
when I am joined by the Colonel and another major (one known for his turkey hunting skills – he even hauled a turkey caller to Iraq with him!)
The colonel kept saying – he’ll come down, he can’t fly anyway.
Just at that time the turkey demonstrated his inability to fly by flapping his wings and not-flying the length on the tent and on into the ambulance parking area. So here was a senior colonel, and three majors (we picked up another during the fuss) chasing this turkey all over our compound! The turkey made his bid for freedom by going through the concertina wire around our area, unfortunately for the turkey the three insane majors, lead by the questionable colonel, followed the turkey through the wire. The chase ended when the great turkey hunter took a rolling dive at the turkey - which missed. His scrambling recovery though allowed him to grab the turkey’s neck and foil it’s bid for freedom. Which was a good thing as the turkey only had one fence between it and the flight line. We couldn’t follow it there, and I’m sure the flight controller would have appreciated this big bird on his flight line. Of course the turkey’s freedom would have lasted until it got sucked up into the engine of that C5 behind it.
The great turkey hunter proudly carried the turkey to its new coop behind some of the living tents (he got his own bunker in case of mortar attacks…) Unfortunately this new living arrangement places the gobbler not 10 feet away from the other higher-up’s head who had protested the turkey being in the hospital and who was later heard to say “ he squawks not 10 feet from my head – I’m in hell….”
Best hours worth of fun I’ve had since I’ve been here.
No, we didn’t eat it.
Happy Thanksgiving all.